All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
