so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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