I think im going to throw up on grandma
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
