I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
