he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
