honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
