dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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