...so i touched it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
