You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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