it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
