Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
