life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
