his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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