I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
