yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
