Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
