My nipple is on Facebook.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
