Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its about making memories worth repressing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
