He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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