I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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