I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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