i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
