Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
