Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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