Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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