Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This baby is an asshole
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
