I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
