John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
