i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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