Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had sex on a roof
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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