Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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