Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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