I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
