I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
