he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
