for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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