She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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