If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
