I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
