I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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