Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
