I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
