dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
