Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
