No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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