I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there is puke in my bra ... again
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