____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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