K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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