You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
