You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
