Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
